Captain Effing Nemo
by stevebond1990
Summary: I'm on a Plane, surrounded by members of a gang that doesn't exist, taking orders from a Criminal Mastermind who isn't real and now I'm escorting two more fictional members of another fictional gang and a fictional One Man Effing Army! How on God's Green Earth Did I Wind up in Saints Row.
1. Thanks for Flying with Syndicate Air

Captain Effing Nemo?

Chapter 1: Your Crew Thanks for Flying with Syndicate Airways.

'_UUUUUGGGHHH!' My Head! How many crates of Whiskey did we polish off last night?'_ I thought as I returned to both the waking world and the familiar feeling of a rugby player trying to punt my forehead down field from the inside.

I opened my eyes to find the red lights were mercifully dimmed… _'Wait! Red lights?'_

I focused my vision and started looking around; wincing as my brain suddenly registered the roar of what could only be Jet engines, making the pounding in my head intensify.

Another glance around revealed several large bottles of mineral water and a flask, I instantly reached over, grabbed the cup off the flask and poured myself the first of several drinks I'd need to make my hangover bearable. After I get my hangover under control, I notice that I'm wearing a fairly stylish suit, I have a hip holster holding a colt m1911 and there appear to be three people tied up in the back of a pickup, then I notice several other guards around and on catwalks, some checking cargo several watching the prisoners. Ten minutes after I wake up, one of the guards approaches and tells me to stand watch outside Mr Loren's cabin, I also notice that I'm wearing a plain shirt and black tie will my male counterparts wear a red or pink shirt and yellow or pink tie. As I rise to leave, I check the area around me again and find a G-36c-like assault rifle with a tac-vest holding over a dozen magazines for both the rifle and my pistol, after putting it on under my blazer, I have a look at the prisoners.

The bottom seemed to drop out of my stomach as I take in their faces; I've been getting a sense of Déjà vu since I woke up, now I know why… they're the effing brass of the Third Street Saints. Johnny Gat, Shaundi and a beautiful woman with dark red hair and a _'Miranda Lawson'_ body I can only assume is the 'Boss'.

As I head to my post I can only think of how screwed I am to be in the world of a video game, even one as cool as Saints Row the Third, because I know those three will get loose and I'm working for the _Wrong Bloody Side!_

After an hour the intercom next to my head goes off, "Mr Loren?"

"_Would you kindly bring our guests up for our meeting?"_ I must admit, if I didn't know he was as bad as a Mafia Don I'd think Loren was a respectable if ruthless businessmen.

"Of course Mr Loren, I will return with your guests shortly," I reply, releasing the button and looking to the other guard, who gestures that he'll be fine. As I walk towards the cargo hold, I silently complain about being the _only_ brit in a European gang.

When I open the hatch, I find several of the catwalk guards clustered together and quickly laughing at something below, leaning over the railing to see three guards unsuccessfully trying to wake the Saints up.

"Back to your posts, what are you, Luchadores?" I bark to the catwalk guards, "Mr Loren would like to see his guests, preferably now," I call out as I descend.

"Zey are proving difficult to wake," the nearest guard says, looking unhappy at my timing.

"Get a bucket," I head to the crates where I left the water bottles as the man heads off and collect three bottles including the one I opened, I return to the cars just as the French or French-Canadian guard returns with a steel bucket.

The three bottles fill the bucket and I have it passed to a guard above the bed of the pickup, after I take position at the end of the flatbed, I nod to the guard.

I can't help wincing as two high screams reverberate off the metal hull accompanied by some very colourful swearing, including a few I make a note of.

After a few moments a pair of beautiful, violet eyes settle on me, followed by a pair of angry green eyes then finally a barely visible brown pair.

* * *

_She ducks what looks like a bolt of plasma, glancing round she spots a soldier in strange pale combat armour firing a weird white rifle at me, the weapon being the source of the plasma bolts flying around, she raises her K8 but the soldier's cut down by someone behind and to the right of her._

_She stops and stares as a HUGE man in a white suit wearing a Saints Purple shirt barrels past and _Physically_ upends a fully loaded HUMVEE , two more unfamiliar men in Saints purple. One in a wrestling uniform and a purple and yellow mask, the other was wearing angular body armour over purple fatigues._

_The latter looks at her and for a moment and she loses herself in his deep sapphire eyes…_

"AAAAAAIIIIIEEEE!" Cold, Wet… 'What the Fuck!' she couldn't help but scream in shock herself as the water lands on her stomach and chest.

"Wha… who… Who are you? Where are we? And Why did you throw freezing water on us?"

'That's Shaundi,' she thinks, taking note that both her and Shaundi were soaked from the stomach up, then her eyes widened in shock as one of the men from her dream is standing in front of her. Looking first into her eyes, then Shaundi's, ignoring her glare, then Gat's. Her respect for the man goes up slightly as his eyes stay level with theirs and doesn't drop to either set of wet breasts.

* * *

I ignore the urge to drop my eyes to either set of wet breasts or erect nipples in clingy tops, "My sincerest apologies for the rude awakening, but your appointment with our employer is nearly upon us and we were having difficulty awakening you."

"And what makes you think we'd like to see him?" God, Gat was even more antagonistic in real life.

"The fact he bailed you out of prison when you robbed the one bank in Stillwater the Police wouldn't ignore a raid on, at the very least it would be common courtesy to meet with him and hear him out," I reply pleasantly.

"And what makes you or him think we care about what he as to say?" Was Shaundi really such a bitch before Gat bought it?

"Nothing at all, you don't need to agree or listen to him, this _is_ a free country as you Americans like to say, you have nothing to lose from just listening, and once you have you can easily turn Mr Loren down. I would not call it the wisest option but it _is_ an option," I reply again, keeping my voice pleasant, though that seems to be irritating her.

"We'll see him, but we reserve the right to refuse any offer," the Boss says.

"You'll have to take that up with Mr Loren," I answer, helping her off the truck, Shaundi grudgingly allowing me to help her and Gat just hopping out on his own, even knowing he'll get free it's terrifying knowing how much freedom of movement he has.

"Suive-Moi," I say, and start to walk away but stop when I realise they're just staring at me, "follow me," I repeat, rolling my eyes as I walk on.

"Why couldn't he just say that," Shaundi grumbles.

"I did, despite this diversity of this country's population, the cultural ignorance of the average American is astonishing," I retort, earning a glare from all three.

After a few moments, I'm back at the cabin door with the Saints and several guards behind me, "Mr Loren, your guests are ready for their appointment," I say into the microphone as I press the buzzer.

"_Bring zem in,"_ I put my hand on the door handle and open the door, stepping through and holding it for our guests and two of the guards. Once the Saints are through they're led to three swivel chairs bolted to the deck and locked in.

"Hey, What is this?" the Boss exclaims.

"A precaution," Loren replies as the DeWynter sisters take position either side of him and he turns to face them.

I zone out as the meeting progresses, memories flash briefly in front of my eyes, mine yet not mine, most more or less match those of my real life but in universe, except for a few involving fights with the Brotherhood near my old school and a truly terrifying close encounter with an Ultor Masako after Shaundi three years earlier.

I rub the scar on my shoulder as my concentration returns to the meeting, catching the eye of the Boss though I didn't see it.

"So make yourself a Fucking Waffle, we're done here," Gat retorted aggressively.

Loren shook his head, "and I so hoped to come to a rational business arrangement," he then signalled the man to my right, who drew a .45 Shepard and stepped in front of Gat, I tensed and brought my rifle tight to my shoulder in anticipation.

As then pistol comes up, Gat wrenches the chair out of the deck and head-butts the guy in the gut, sending them both down but freeing Gat's arms.

Gat rises and turns to Loren, but Loren is faster, sinking a K-bar into Gat's gut, Gat forces Loren back and slams his head into a window, shattering it and depressurising the cabin.

I duck down behind a seat near the door and watch as Gat turns back to the guard and finishes him, before drawing the knife from his gut and throwing it between the eyes of the only other guard.

The Dewynters evacuate Loren as Gat frees the Boss and Shaundi; I stay down to avoid being seen.

"Boss, you gotta bail," Gat shouts over the noise from the window.

"No, We all go together or not at all," she refuses, but the three are sent scrambling for cover by three guards entering with SMGs blazing.

The three take cover behind a partition in front of the door, Gat glances around it, "there's what, half a dozen guys? I can take 'em."

"What about the plane?" Shaundi asks.

"I'll fly it back to Stillwater," Gat replies as if it was obvious.

"Johnny, you can't drive stick, how the Fuck are you going to fly a plane?" Shaundi deadpans.

"Details, details," Gat says dismissively.

I make up my mind and step out of cover, drawing the Saints attention, but instead I fire towards the cockpit, killing one of my former colleagues and sending the other two diving away from the incoming rifle fire.

"She's running on fumes," I shout to them, drawing surprised and suspicious looks, "You'd have half an hour, maybe an hour tops before the engines flame out, you won't make it." I silently pray my bluff works as I draw my colt and slid it to the boss, who looked at me in surprise as she took it.

As I fire again I remember something I saw in the hold, "there's a Bulldog in a parachute rig, if we open the hold doors we can use it to escape."

"Who says you're coming with us?" Does she really have to be such a bitch?

"Well, unlike you, I have a pretty good idea what will happen once you hit the dirt and a decent idea of what Loren has to throw at you," I retort.

"Shaundi enough, he's coming with us," the Boss interrupts, "_All_ of us," she adds to Gat.

"Get moving then," I bark, Shaundi's the first through the door, followed by Gat, the boss though waits by the door firing at the guard who looks around the corner, I take the hint and head through, but not before breaking off the door handle on this side. The Boss follows me through, slamming the door and then breaking off the handle on the other side.

We turn to find Gat and Shaundi grappling with two guards, another two enter from the hold and aim .45 Shepards at Gat and Shaundi, I aim and fire my rifle just as the Boss fires, dropping both with two bullets each.

"Thanks," Shaundi says, slightly breathless from fighting the guard.

"You know there'll be more," Gat argues as he picks up a Shepard, I pick up the other and hold it out to Shaundi.

"He's right, it isn't over yet," I say as she takes the pistol, I then walk to the door to the hold.

"So this parachute thing… It'll work, right?" Shaundi asks tentatively.

"Once we rig it, if it leaves the plane without the static lines for the three chutes hooked, we'll just drop…" I start to explain.

"Just fucking great!" Shaundi exclaims.

"Shaundi!" Boss scolds.

"Yeah, shhh!" Gat adds sarcastically.

"Once the static lines are hooked, we open the hold doors and jettison the cargo behind the rig, we then set the rig going and climb in," I finished, slamming the door into a guard waiting on the other side and fire a burst through the door into them.

I rushed through and rugby tackled the guard waiting on the other side of the door, unknowingly saving my life as the catwalk guards I'd yelled at fired into the doorway at chest and head height.

"Fuck!"

"Fuck you bitches!" Gat rushes out firing as I roll off the guard and crouch run down the stairs, the Boss and Shaundi run out firing as the guards shift fire to me and Gat.

I lean out from behind a crate to fire but after two shots the bolt comes down on an empty chamber, "Fuck!" I curse as a bullet grazes my shoulder as I duck back.

"You ok?" Boss asks as I clumsily reload.

"It's just a flesh wound, don't worry," Gat replies after glancing at my shoulder, missing my glare as a guard gets too close and has their SMG yanked from their hands and reversed on them.

"You'd call it a flesh wound if you were gut shot by an RPG," I retort, peeking out and looking for a target.

"Point," Gat replies as he drops two guards with a burst from his Z-10, "move up," he adds, vaulting the crates.

Around the next bend is the Bulldog in its rig.

"Alright, me and Gat will finish the guards and open the doors, you two stay here…"

"What makes you think we'll just sit here while you're off playing soldier?" Shaundi replies confrontationally.

"Cause we got bigger guns," Gat replies, hefting his Z-10 in emphasis, making Shaundi glance at her Shepard.

"That and I trust you not to screw up checking the rig more than him," I admit, it isn't much anyway but Shaundi's got an eye for detail, "or would you rather he did a half arsed job?"

Shaundi doesn't reply and instead starts inspecting the rig, Boss shakes her head in amusement and smiles at me, as she does my stomach feels like it's doing a backflip.

"Come on, there can't be many left," I say to Gat, nudging him on.

The next two blocks of crates were clear, but as we reached the ramp four guards fired from behind them, two on the catwalk and two on the stairs, I fired and dropped the two on the stairs but took another two bullets to my right shoulder, one again grazing the other going straight through, luckily missing both bone and artery. Gat easily dropped the two on the catwalk.

As I inspected my shoulder, Gat went to control panel next to the intercom. There's a blast of air as the outer hatch opens and de-pressurises the hold, then the ramp starts to fall. As the ramp lowers, both me and Gat walk onto it and peer out, holding onto piping and handholds on the wall.

"I don't recognise the city," Gat shouts to me.

"Steelport, Loren's base of operations, we need to drop while we're still over land," I shout back.

We then head back inside and to the first cargo pallet, we pull the pins locking it to the floor and push, it moves slowly at first but quickly starts sliding, we watch until it hits the edge of the ramp and turn away as it slides out of the plane.

The next two pallets are no problem despite my agony, but shortly after Shaundi discovers the parachute rig is on rails me and Gat approach the first of four cars that has to be jettisoned.

"Think we should jack the radio first? Might make us some quick money on the ground," I ask Gat.

"We could, don't really need to, but it'd be good getting back to basics," Gat replied contemplatively.

"You check out the cars, I'll find a crowbar and toolkit," I reply, turning around and heading toward the small tool locker.

"Hey, you're _supposed_ to be clearing the way for us to leave," Shaundi says accusingly.

"I just thought it would be a good idea to make sure we have some money once we land," I reply evenly.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Loren has several hackers capable of breaching the Pentagon mainframes in the Syndicate, our bank accounts are peanuts to them so we need a way to make hard cash fast, ergo, nicking the stereos to sell once we hit ground," I explain, tossing a crowbar to Johnny and giving another to Shaundi, "You crack the ones behind the rig." I returned to Gat as Shaundi stared at me then went to the nearest car forward of the rig. Ten minutes later, there were nine expensive car stereos in the Bulldog's boot.

The second Criminal weaves slightly as it accelerates down the ramp but falls without incident, with it and the preceding Criminal, Infuego and Kayak, we're clear to leave.

I hook the static lines securely to the deck near the stairway as Gat and Boss move the rig to the edge of the ramp.

"Ok, I'm set," I tell them after making sure the parachutes are primed and the static line connected to the parachutes.

"OK, Shaundi, I want you in the driver's seat," Boss said, taking position at the rear right door opposite me.

"Got it," Shaundi replies, stepping up and giving me a look as she got ready.

"Hold up, why's she driving?"

"It's a manual and you admitted earlier you can't drive manual," I retort.

"Manual?"

"British word for stick drive, Johnny," Shaundi explains, rolling her eyes.

"We going to move or wait for this flying boxcar to come out of a holding pattern?"

"Go!" at the Boss' shout we all pushed hard, sending the rig over the edge of the hull and down onto the ramp, Shaundi climbed up almost immediately, followed a few steps later by Boss, I then followed Boss with Gat waiting until the last second.

The rig dropped at a roughly 45 degree angle until fifty feet down there was a sharp jerk that pitched the nose down, I was sent up and forward then brought down by my seatbelt, then there was a massive jerk as the parachutes caught, the change from rapid to controlled descent forced us all into our seats but my head came down on the headrest sending a lance of pain through my neck.

"Oh My God! I can't believe that worked!" Shaundi exclaims as the adrenaline rush died down.

"Heh, only thing better would be driving a tank off the ramp," Gat adds, having clearly enjoyed the thrill.

"Thanks, you did a good job… You ok?" Boss says, looking at me, concern entering her voice as she sees my expression, the tears filling my shut eyes and the way I'm clutching my neck.

"Fucking Whiplash!" I manage to mutter.

"OK, let me look at it," I lower my hand and it takes all of my self-control not to flinch violently as her soft fingers gently probe my neck.

"Doesn't seem too serious, you'll to get an ice pack on it soon, but the worst of the pain should fade in the next few hours," Boss says finally, settling back into her seat.

"So, when do we kill Loren?"

I shake my head as much as my neck allows, apparently Gat really is that single minded, "Killing Loren won't happen anytime soon, we've got to survive the Syndicate response first."

"What will they throw at us?"

* * *

Loren adjusts the eye patch Kiki found for him as she lights a cigarette for him and Viola removes a guards body from his chair, sitting down once the body was gone and activating the screen from a console in the arm for a video conference.

"Gentlemen, negotiations were… less than successful. Viola and Kiki will spread ze word, Steelport belongs to the Syndicate and ze Saints are Not welcome."

He looks to a very young man in a black jacket with neon blue highlights, "Mr Miller, hack into ze Saints' accounts, leave zem nothing."

He then looks to a large, muscular man in a green suit wearing a black and green jewelled wrestling mask, "Mr Killbane, gazer your Luchadores, bring me zer leaders' head and zat of ze traitor."


	2. Raid on Sierra Point

Chapter 2: Raid on Sierra Point

"What will they throw at us?"

I look the Boss dead in her eyes, "The Syndicate is an international criminal organisation based out of Steelport. It is supported by both lucrative rackets and legitimate businesses, the latter are arguably the most profitable in the city, consequently they have access to significant resources.

Three gangs make up the Syndicate, not so long ago they vied for control like the Vice Kings, Carnales and Rollerz.

First you have Loren's Morningstar, this is the gang he led during his rise so most are well off for gangers and have decent weapons and training. If the foot soldiers can't deal with something, they send in their specialists, very accurate snipers, if the snipers aren't enough, the Morningstar have a reserve of helicopter gunships.

The Deckers are a new gang, mostly teens and young adults, they lack training and experience but have access to slightly better quality weapons than Morningstar, their specialists are the real threat. No tougher than a grunt but they move very fast on roller blades, almost like they're rocket powered, they dual wield SMGs and carry a shock hammer, a Warhammer with an advanced kinetic accelerator in the head, it generates a powerful enough shockwave on impact to knock a truck on its side.

The Luchadores are the raw muscle, all of them are masked wrestlers and able to soak up damage better than either of the other gangs but lack training, they're without doubt the worst shots in the city. That said they're the most relentless in chasing down a target, Killbane or Loren says kill, they won't stop coming until the target dies or there's no one left to attack. The Specialists carry an automatic grenade launcher that fires timed grenades, not very dangerous on their own but they can empty a sixteen shot magazine in under five seconds…"

I hesitate, not sure whether I should mention the brutes, "there were… rumours about a secret program to give Syndicate troops powerful back up… it was… it sounded like Loren was trying to make super soldiers…"

"That's probably just bullshit," Boss says reassuringly.

I can't help but be afraid, I know what's coming, "I hope you're right. But … I can't help but wonder if there is some truth to it, Loren's the type to try and pull it off."

"Hopefully we'll never find out," Shaundi adds, "we're nearly down, hold on."

The four of us brace for landing, Boss sitting a little closer and holding my neck, which helps cushion the impact when the rig finally settles making the pain spike in my neck less severe.

Gat and Shaundi immediately jump out, but Boss stops me as I try to follow. "You need to rest for now, we'll get the car out of the rig," she says to me before getting out herself.

The three return after several minutes and some colourful swearing from all of them. They all settle back into their seats for a moment. "So, what next?" Shaundi asks.

"We figure out where we are."

"Steelport… Kinda like Bangkok's abusive father," Shaundi supplies.

"Not far off," I mutter.

"So you've been here before?" Boss asks.

"Spring break," Shaundi replies shortly.

"Know your way around, then?"

"Look, I was _really_ high the last time I was here, just let me drive, it'll come back." Shaundi says as she starts driving down from the rig and then along the pier into the city.

"I feel naked without a gun," Boss complains as we reach the main streets, I look at her and raise an eyebrow questioningly, "Of my own," she corrects, she then fumbles with her belt for a moment, "speaking of which, thanks."

"Don't mention it," I reply as I take back my colt, I slide it into its holster as Shaundi looks at Boss.

"Why don't you look up Friendly Fire on your phone?"

"What?"

"It has GPS, right? Check the map," Shaundi replies exasperatedly.

"Shouldn't we fence the stereos first?" I ask, it seems stupid to try and buy guns with no money.

"Point, alright, we'll find a Chop Shop first, and while I'm selling the stereos Shaundi will look for an ATM and check her balance," Gat suggests.

"Alright, let's do that first," Boss decides, "and we should call Pierce and fill him in."

"Already texted him, he's bringing a crew," Shaundi replied.

"Any idea where we could rustle up a couple a hundred guns?" Boss asked

"Yeah, we raid the Guard Armoury," Shaundi replied sarcastically.

"And that's why I count on you, hun," Boss replied smiling.

"You can't be serious?" Shaundi exclaimed.

"Wanna bet?" I ask sarcastically.

"They have more guns than soldiers; they don't need them, what's to worry about?" Boss argues.

"Getting SHOT comes to mind!" "Being used for target practice by a machine gunner!" both Shaundi and me exclaim.

"Bullets! Whatever, we just parachuted off a moving plane in a Jeep," Boss retorts.

"Also a shitty idea!"

"Hey!" I exclaim.

"Way to channel Pierce. It's very natural sounding."

"Not cool," Shaundi says, scowling into the rear view mirror.

"You two been out a lot? Going on dates? Picking out place settings…"

"Alright, alright! We'll pick a fight with the Military…"

"That's my girl," Boss says.

We spend the next hour driving around, I idly listen as Shaundi provides a running commentary on places she remembers from her last visit while I try to remember where the activity chop shops are.

"Hold up, there," Gat interrupts, pointing to a garage with several cars in various states of completion inside, I look at the sign to see its Das Autohaus.

"All right, let's do this," Gat says, getting out and heading into the garage, Shaundi and Boss get out and I follow before they can argue and grab three stereos, as do the other two. When we walk in, Gat is speaking to Dieter who gestures to a table a few feet away where two mechanics are standing.

I carefully lower my three onto the table and step back; one of the mechanics set the top two individually on the table and started inspecting them. Shaundi and Boss set their piles down and the other mechanic started work on Shaundi's before the two went to Boss' after finishing the first two.

When the mechanics finished, they waved Dieter over and spent a few minutes in hushed discussion, before Dieter returned.

"My colleagues have completed their evaluation of your merchandise," Dieter begins, his voice light and effeminate with a hint of a German accent, "While there are a few rough edges and missing wires to be replaced, these are products of remarkable quality, our offer is $20,000 for all nine."

We exchange a look, that's twice what I was expecting at best, "in cash? Then you have a deal," Boss replied.

Dieter hesitated for a moment, thinking it over, then nodded in agreement and waved boss over to the stairs leading to his office.

"That went better than I thought," I murmur, thinking aloud.

"Yeah, there must be a supply issue to get such a good deal," Shaundi mused, earning a nod from me and Gat as Boss returned with a briefcase.

"OK, we ready to go?" the red head asked as she reached them.

"I'm good," Shaundi replied.

"Hell yeah," Gat answered.

"Say the word, Chief," I reply before turning to follow Shaundi and Gat, who glance back but say nothing.

As we enter the Bulldog, Boss pops the briefcase on her lap and looks at her phone.

"Ok, there's a Friendly Fire in Henry Steel Mills, it's on the east side of the Island north of the one we're on," Boss says after a few minutes, "And we're dividing the money equally, $5,000 each to spend at Friendly Fire," she adds, counting out the money and passing it out.

"Nice to have a little spending money as we're going to hit an Armoury," I comment.

"It would be a good idea to be prepared," Shaundi adds sarcastically.

"Any idea how we'll move it all once we're in?" I ask, I know it comes up on arrival but I'd rather not leave it to chance.

"That's a good question," Boss replies sheepishly.

"Perhaps you should have thought of that before attacking an Armoury," Shaundi says as she drives away from Das Autohaus.

"True, but it's a good point," Boss continues.

"Don't worry, Pierce has that covered," Shaundi reassures.

"Will that be _before_ or _after_ the Guard sends in the tanks?" I ask incredulously, "Gat's a One Man Army, they won't hold back once they know he's there."

"Don't worry about it," Shaundi repeats.

I exchange a look with Boss as we cross the bridge into the North central island, "Right here, Shaundi," Boss says, directing her friend as her GPS updates.

We continue mostly in silence except for Gat and Shaundi arguing over what radio station to tune in to, I myself liked GenX in saints row 2 but Classic 102.4 in SrTT.

After twenty minutes, I recognise the road we're driving along and quickly spot the flamethrower sign of the gun shop.

"Ok, we're here," Shaundi said as she parked in one of the two parking spaces by the store, Gat and Boss piled out, I slowly joined them, trying hard not to move my neck too much.

I entered the shop after a couple of minutes, Boss and Shaundi were browsing the pistols and SMGs while Gat was hovering between the artillery and machine gun section, I briefly looked over Shaundi's shoulder at the pistols before heading to the assault rifles.

The selection was wider than I expected, covering every rifle previously seen and even a few from SRIV, but what caught my eye was an angular bullpup that seemed familiar.

"Ah, I see the Tharsis has caught your eye, you have a fine taste in arms, sir," a salesman said behind me.

"What are its features? What makes it different to a K-8 or AR-55?" I ask, genuinely curious, looking at the display I realised it almost exactly resembles the EDF Assault rifle from the Red Faction Guerilla.

"It fires the Remington 6.8mm cartridge in a thirty or forty two round magazine or 5.56 NATO from forty round STANAG magazines, the bullpup design allows for a longer barrel relative to its competitors allowing higher muzzle velocity and noticeably better accuracy, but rate of fire is slightly lower than the K-8 to compensate for the stronger recoil from the 6.8 cartridge, this carries over to the 5.56 version. It is manufactured with reliability in mind, despite the high tech materials, its overall simplicity matches the K-8, as does its reliability and serviceability in the face of harsh climes or outright abuse. Effective to eight hundred metres accurate to five hundred with iron sights, with a Picatinny rail for optional sights, and prices begin at $5,750, for the whole set," the salesman rolled off, the look on his face told me that he thought it unlikely I could meet his price but was still hoping for a sale.

"Whole set?" I ask.

"The entire Tharsis set includes the Tharsis assault rifle, Eos pistol, Peacekeeper shotgun and Fareye Sniper rifle, all share the same quality and reliability," the salesman replied, I had to admit I was now very interested, if they were the EDF weapons…

"Such a deal seems too good to be true," I comment.

"There has been… less than a demand for them, necessitating the price reduction," the salesman admitted.

"I can't meet that," I admit, the salesman starts to move off but I interrupt him, "I do have 5k on me and a slightly used assault rifle, if I bring the rifle to you and have it valued, can we do business?"

The man thinks it over, "Perhaps, depending on your rifle's condition, it may be allow us to reach an agreement," he allows.

"I'll be back in a moment," I turned around and walked back to the bulldog, I opened the door and pulled out the rifle, removing the magazine and racking the bolt a few times to clear any cartridges with two coming out, I reinserted them into the magazine and left that on the seat before returning to the store, the salesman waiting patiently exactly where I left him.

"Is this it?" I nod and hand him the rifle, he spends a few minutes examining the weapon closely before cocking it and pulling the trigger after checking for no rounds in the chamber.

"Slightly used is an understatement but said use is very recent, nothing a decent cleaning can't take care of so no reduction in price for parts, a relatively new model and in very good condition, as a part exchange it knocks roughly half the value off the Tharsis," he smiles at me, "indeed we can do business sir."

He gestures for me to follow, setting the rifle down on the counter before heading to the storeroom, "Oh, which calibre would you prefer?"

I think over his question for a moment, "5.56 NATO."

He nods then heads inside, returning a minute later with the weapon set, the case was simple but elegant, the weapons inside were checked then re-boxed, I end up paying $4,500 for it with the trade in, I spend the rest of my available money on ammo for them.

I turn around to find the others gone, I quickly head out the door to find them by the bulldog, Boss holding a D4th Blossom with a .45 Shepard on her belt, Shaundi with a Tek Z-10 and Shepard and Gat with a K-8, his Z-10 and two Shepards.

"Ready?" Boss asks.

"Give me a moment," I reply, I set the box down and pull out the weapons, loading a magazine in each and cocking it before setting the safety, I then put as many magazines as I can into my Tac-vest, having to squeeze nearly all in before finally dumping the box and receipts in the dumpster behind the store.

"Okay, ready when you are, chief," I say.

"Jump in," I wince slightly as I climb in but no one notices as they have to shove most of their weapons in the back.

"Know the way?" Gat asks.

"Yeah, it's on the GPs, not far," Shaundi replies.

We re-joined the traffic, with Boss driving, heading south, this time the radio was on Classic.

As we crossed the bridge, I started checking my weapons, earning a look from Gat.

"What?"

"Why're you doing that? You've already done it once," Gat asked.

"Better to repeat and it works fine then leave it and it jams on you," I retort.

"Fair point," Gat concedes.

"If you were here for spring break that means you've gotta know someone around here?" Boss asks Shaundi.

"Yeah, I keep up with one of my exes,"

"His place… Big, at all?" Boss asked.

"Already offered it to Pierce and the boys," Shaundi replies smoothly, too smoothly.

"You kinda dodged the question there," Boss replied pointedly.

"I know," Shaundi finished.

"Ok, that's the bridge to the Armoury," Shaundi calls out after fifteen minutes

I can't help but grin as Gat starts checking his own weapons as we pass the mainland checkpoint, I snort as Gat notices and flips me off.

"Hey, you never told us your name," Gat realises, both Shaundi and Boss exchange a look and I think for a minute, before deciding to use the name I gave Loren in my memories.

"Black, Orion Black," I answer.

"Orion, nice name… _for a _nice_ guy,_" Boss says, trailing off into a whisper that no one was meant to hear but Shaundi sends her a knowing smirk that makes Boss blush.

We cross the bridge and Boss floors the gas, ramming a barricade, sending two soldiers with shotguns diving for cover as the Bulldog broke through and made a handbrake turn.

"Ok, the guns should all be in that warehouse," Shaundi pointed to a large warehouse beside the administration building.

"I hope that Pierce bloke can keep to a timetable," I mutter aloud, getting ready to jump out.

"He'll be here," Boss and Shaundi chorus, but Gat gives me a look that isn't so encouraging.

The Bulldog crashes through a chain link gate, sending three guards diving as several more either start firing or running for the warehouse.

I duck sharply as a rifle round shatters my window and buries itself in Shaundi's headrest, I bring up my own rifle, flip the safety, and blind fire a three round burst, making the guard duck while I scramble out and pull myself into a proper firing position, firing a full ten rounds into the guardsman who ducked then a five round burst at the guard who went flying on my side of the gate.

It turn around and jog to the front of the car but stop once I see the unit insignia…

Mr Fucking Toots!

I chuckle for a moment but then something Big, Grey and Nasty catches my eye, I grab hold of Gat as he tries to follow Boss and Shaundi into the warehouse.

"What the Fuck are you doing?" he barks at me, his expression turning to confusion as a feral, wolfish grin forms on my face.

"Fancy a joyride?"

* * *

"Looks like they don't want to invite us in," Boss comments as she nutshots a guardsman.

"Shooting at them probably doesn't help," Shaundi snarks back, emptying her SMG clip into two soldiers with shotguns inside the main door, she then notices the massive piece of ordinance on a sled just outside.

"Geez, look at the size of that thing, bet It'd be a hell of a way to end a gunfight," Shaundi commented, slightly in awe at Sleelport's M.O.A.B

"Let's take it with, and find out," Boss replied, her eyes and voice sparkling with mischief.

"Yeah right," Shaundi scoffed but did a double take when she saw her friend's eyes, "Wait? You're serious, aren't you?"

There wasn't a chance to reply as a shotgun blast missed them by a foot from above, they both fired blindly then ducked behind some crates.

"Fuck!"

"Shit, where's Gat and Orion?"

Boss looks around just before a guardsman's shadow passes her, she flips her SMG over the top and fires, dropping him, "Probably outside mopping up."

"Well they'd better be here soon…"

* * *

"You drive, I shoot?"

"It's not stick, Sure…"

* * *

"Here's the weapons cache and those look like UAV drone controls," Shaundi states as they reach a stockpile on the back wall.

"UAV Drone Controls?" Boss asks incredulously, "Shaundi, have you been shagging special forces behind our backs?"

"Is this really the time?" Shaundi snaps.

"Hey, you're the one who said it," Boss says defensively, as she grabs a shotgun, idly noting the slightly shortened barrel and bayonet lug, said bayonet was on the table with the drone controls and was quickly snatched up.

A trio of National Guard Bulldogs, all fortunately without turrets, pulled up beyond the gate and twelve soldiers climbed out, several more Bulldogs passed.

"Fuck, where are the boys?"

"You said they were mopping up," Shaundi snapped as she fired on the nearest soldier, quickly spotting a problem.

"They've busted out the Riot Shields!"

"Fuck, get on the catwalk and use a shotgun," Boss shouted, firing a blast with her own shotgun that caught a Riot Guardsman's head sending him down, before running after Shaundi.

"If those two don't get back here fast!" Shaundi didn't have time to finish her threat as an engine roared, the Guardsman looked to their left and cheered.

The engine roared again followed by a squeal of tires, the Guardsmen weren't cheering now, in fact they looked afraid.

"What…" Shauundi was once again cut off as with another screech a large, grey APC shot from someplace to the right, their right, of the warehouse in reverse and crashed through the group of Bulldogs at the gate.

"What the Fuck?" Boss exclaimed as the turret on the armoured beast rotated a little erratically, it appeared to mount an auto-cannon instead of the usual heavy machine gun, "Oh Fuck!" she whispered as the gun aimed at her.

She'd later deny it, but she jumped a foot in the air when the cannon fired before diving away, but looked up in confusion as the lack of shellfire became apparent, peeking over the steel plate welded to the railing revealed why…

The APC was doing circles by the gate with the gunner firing at the Guardsman.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Looks like the boys found a new toy," Shaundi commented dryly.

Boss smiled as the APC wiped out the first wave then made a show of parking between the wrecked Bulldogs.

Suddenly the APC shuddered, it then shot off with tires squealing, a moment later six Bulldogs with turrets shot past with another six stopping to let off troops.

"This isn't going quite as planned," Boss admitted sheepishly.

"Ya think!" Shaundi shouted as she dialled Pierce on her phone, "Pierce, Where are you!"

"_You know me."_ Was Pierce's reply as several Oppressor helicopters approached the base, "_I love to make an entrance!"_

The Guardsman turned to face the helicopters but were cut down in waves as the Saints hanging out the doors opened fire, several soldiers tried to run but were shot, the gunner of the only manned turreted Bulldog took several hits as he turned to target one of the Helicopters, then the car exploded and rolled onto its back.

The helicopters circled for a moment as they looked for the Boss and Shaundi.

"If we're staying, maybe it's time to use those UAV drones," Shaundi prompts.

"You said it again,"

"Just shut up and use the damn things!" Boss opened the laptop like computer, the main screen was displaying real time footage from a camera on the nose of the drone, the left covered the drones status like fuel, battery life etc. The right screen showed the number of missiles remaining.

Boss selected a target and pressed the fire button just as Pierce called.

"_Why aren't we getting the hell outta here?"_

"_Chief won't leave without her new toy."_

Boss smiled and blushed a little as Orion's voice came out of the speaker.

"_Who the hell are you, and how did you get Johnny's phone?"_

"_Captain Fucking Nemo!"_

Both Boss and Shaundi snorted at the Brit's sarcastic reply.

"_As for the phone, Gatsby is three feet from me."_

"_Gatsby?"_

There was a muffled grumble from Gat.

"_Read a book, pleb."_

The two girls burst out laughing through Pierce's shocked silence but it was quickly brought to an end.

"_OH SHIT! PANZER!"_

Boss and Shaundi's confusion was short lived as a shell from a tank slammed into the courtyard wall just as the APC sped past.

"_Chief, a little help from an Angel would be appreciated."_

Boss focused on the laptop and directed a missile down onto the first of four tanks approaching the island, ignoring the radio chatter from the Guardsman as each missile was fired.

The first tank was destroyed in one hit, as was the next. The third managed to dodge the missile and actually hit the APC before a second missile destroyed it, the fourth circled the island in the opposite direction to the commandeered APC, going unnoticed until it fired and wrecked the APC as it turned back into the entrance road, one last Missile destroyed the tank before it could fire again.

Boss and Shaundi watched the wrecked APC carefully, silently praying that tank hadn't just finished what Loren started. To their immense relief, the hatch was kicked open and Orion clambered out, his blazer ragged but steady on his feet with all his weapons, the relief was short lived as he partly climbed back in and pulled a bloody and unconscious Gat from the cabin. Fortunately one of Pierce's pilots landed and the Saints aboard pulled Gat and Orion aboard.

Shaundi looked to Boss after Orion and Gat's helicopter lifted off, "You think we have enough guns?"

"Do I really need to answer that?"

"So once we're loaded up, we're going after Loren, right?"

"Oh yeah, don't worry. Pierce, you ready yet?" Boss replied, then called Pierce.

"_All set, get in the chopper,"_

The two women didn't need to be told twice, sprinting across the compound to Pierce's chopper, as they climbed aboard, Boss got a call from Gat's phone.

"_Chief, it's Orion. Gatsby's still kicking but he got shredded by shrapnel, it's not too bad but it looks like he tried to swallow a scrapyard, our copter is heading for the Hospital in Loren Square, I'm going to have the boys stay with him and head back to you once he's in surgery, can you pass the address of where we're meeting?"_

Boss sighed, worried that Gat was once again in Hospital but relieved he had good odds to make it _and_ would have guards during his stay, "I'll send it on a text shortly, see you at the safehouse."

She then ended the call and quickly composed then sent the text after a quick check with Shaundi, before grabbing a K-8 from the chopper's seats and keeping watch for any attackers.

* * *

An hour I later I slowed to a stop opposite the apartment in my _New_ Phoenix, someone had conveniently left the keys in the door at the Hospital. Gat would recover; in fact the Doctor said his wounds were slowly closing as they operated.

'_God Almighty, I thought the Brutes weren't normal. At least Gat's on our side,'_ I think as I shut off the engine and set the handbrake. Getting out after the traffic flow cleared, I spotted Shaundi waiting at the door of the rundown apartment building; she took a few steps toward me as I crossed the road but didn't move far from the door.

"How is he?" I couldn't help but stare into her green eyes, dulled by worry; somehow I keep my face neutral despite her obvious fear and concern.

"I'll tell you inside, this is Decker turf, in fact there's a group over there," I say, jerking my head over to where I know the Deckers have a gang operation.

She nods and heads inside, I close the door as I follow her in then up, I can't help but admire her toned legs and arse as I follow her, I'm normally a tit man but God if that's a work of Art in game, in real life her Ancestor must be Aphrodite.

"So what's next?" I hear Shaundi ask as she steps into the apartment, Boss and Pierce are inspecting part of their haul, as I step in my eyes are drawn to a strange weapon that looks like a cross etween an M18 recoiless rifle and a Railgun.

"What's next is that you go back to Stillwater," Boss replies without looking at her.

"What?" Shaundi sounds like a lost little girl for a moment and I turn to look at her to see that exact look on her face before she ducks forward and grabs a Krukov, "No, it's my fight too!"

"Girl, you don't get messy," Pierce argues, "let us take care of business."

"Fuck You! I'm doing this for Johnny!" Now _There's_ the Spitfire I remember.

"You _really_ want her on her own when the Luchadores come Head Hunting?" I ask seriously, looking between Boss and Pierce, "Only Chief and Gatsby are formidable enough to walk away from that kind of fight!"

Boss and Pierce share a look as Shaundi sends me a grateful but uncomfortable look, "Alright, but if we're bringing in the boys, we're gonna need a new place," Boss concedes.

"You're worried about real estate? We have Guns, Let's use 'em," Shaundi retorts, thrusting the Krukov into Boss' impressive chest.

"Relax Shaundi, we've got it all covered," Boss replies reassuringly, looking pointedly to Pierce then me, Shaundi glances between us then nods in acceptance.

I drop my Fareye on the couch, "Ok, shotgun the couch," I say as I dump what few possessions I have with it.

"Aww man!" Pierce moans, realising he now has to sleep on the floor or in an armchair.

"Hey Pierce, there's a Decker op a little way from here, feel like cracking some skulls?" I ask, grabbing my Tharsis and Peacekeeper as well as a satchel of eight frag grenades.

"Really?" he asks, surprised, his face lights up as he sees I'm serious, "Hell yeah, lets go!"

"See you in an hour, Girls," I call out as Pierce grabs a Z-10 and follows me out


End file.
